tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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