Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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