Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
