just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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