I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
