Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
