Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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