we made out on top of his cat.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
