I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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