Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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