why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You were trust falling into bushes
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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