Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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