Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
how drunk are you?
Several
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
