if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
