So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
