Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize