that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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