i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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