He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
