I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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