Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
