I wish I could teleport
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
