I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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