Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
