I'm going to jail i love you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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