i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
