So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
