Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
