we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
