I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
