I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
