omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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