Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
