I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
porn star boner night. come get it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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