I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
