i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
