Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
