So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
