I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
FUCK WHALES
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
