When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
