Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
