WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
