i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
