i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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