i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
