god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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