I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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