don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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