If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
