I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
