I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
