is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just invented taco cereal.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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