Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
