I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
