I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
