That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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