bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
