Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
