so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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