You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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