Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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