Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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