I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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