I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
