we're chasing vodka with high fives
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
