i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
