The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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